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This Time Even Dreamier (VIII)
[traumatic memories sometimes make you thirsty ok
List what you are open/not open to in your top levels, please and thank!]
[[SFW post here]]
List what you are open/not open to in your top levels, please and thank!]
[[SFW post here]]
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he's done far worse things than Somnus ever did, by a wide mile now. Ardyn exhales, heavily. ]
You need not apologise. My brother has been cruel, but I have been crueller at times. Far moreso than him. That aspect of me ... It is irrational, and it wronged you -- you know that, yes?
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Levity startles when there is no retribution coming - so convinced he was that he was going to be punished. He stares at Ardyn in incomprehension, but at least now fear in his eyes is replaced by confusion.]
B-But... I...
[He doesn't know what to think. With how much Levity has convinced himself, if only on a subconscious level, that it was all his own fault... It's now rather scary to face the possibility of the opposite.]
Ardyn, you... you were right to be angry with me, I shouldn't have intruded, I shouldn't have been so rude to you, I--
[He seems to be panicking again, though for nearly the opposite reason now. Levity buries his face in his hands, trying not to hyperventilate.]
...please. Please, what can I do to make it up to you, I don't want you to be angry with me, I don't--
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It was not your choice to intrude. And you were quite right to be rude to that aspect myself.
May I ask something of you?
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Levity still startles at the touch, but less so than before - out of surprise than fear this time. He looks up at Ardyn, tears in the corners of his eyes.]
Of... Of course. Anything...
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You do not need to fear me.
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Ardyn, I don't want to hurt you!
[His voice is fearful again, though not for himself this time... and yet, there is something about this reversal of power dynamics that--does make him feel better, in a way. The biggest challenge of recovery, after all, was reestablishing control - of his body, of his mind, of his life.]
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[ still - - Ardyn doesn't make him squeeze down. his hands remain there but it's more for support, to keep that contact up but to not force him into anything. if he's to do this it will be his choice. ]
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...Eventually, he breathes out shakily, closes his eyes. His hands twitch around Ardyn's neck, but--]
...I can't. I can't hurt you, Ardyn... I simply... I simply wanted you to care for me. I did not want you to hate me. To be angry with me.
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I do not hate you. I want you to have this, Levity.
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...Why?
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You will not hurt me. In fact - - in the right circumstances it can be rather enjoyable.
And you still have control.
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But it seems that Levity at least has the inkling of an idea that, sometimes, choking can be horny. There's pink in his cheeks as he studies Ardyn's face, and. Oh. Well.
He squeezes down ever so slightly.]
...You never did answer me. When I asked if it's... if this... if being hurt feels good for you, too...
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It does. So you never need to hold back for my sake.
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Levity certainly looks flustered by that, but also... curious? Since Absinthe seems to be participating willingly, Levity increases the pressure some more - but carefully, despite the reassurances. His face flushes more as he contemplates the... implications.]
...N-No, I don't want to go so far as to actually hurt you. But... If you like this...
[Maybe he can have little a breathplay. As a treat.]
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Absinthe smiles and inhales slow, deep, as the pressure increases. it's still not really restricting his breathing but Levity can feel the way his pulse picks up under his hands. ]
I do. And I trust you with it, more than most.
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...Thank you.
[Something else stirs at the back of his mind, a half-formed memory.]
I'm sorry if I made you feel like I did not trust you, Ardyn.
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I understand entirely why you were uncertain with me, my friend. I am relieved you trust me enough to be comfortable doing this much.
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...To be honest... I was certain. But others kept telling me it would be naive or stupid, to trust so blindly.
[...]
And I think you would have been unhappy with that, too.
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It isn't terribly wise to trust blindly. One must be worthy of it.
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He tilts his head into the touch a little.]
...I thought that you are.
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And I can only hope to prove that that faith in me is not misplaced.
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But he smiles, a little flustered but happy, and... transfers his attention to the matter at hand, as it were.]
...It might be easier if you lie down this time.
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[ neatly, then, he'll try to grab Levity by his hips and help guide him so their positions can be reversed - - Levity on top of him, straddling him. ]
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...I never thought I would be doing something like this.
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No - - you do not seem the sort to anticipate such a thing. I am honored to give you your first experience in this position!
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